I will not forget you. I can’t pretend like you weren’t real. You are a part of me, I was your home. Years may pass and things may change, but you will ALWAYS be a part of me. The day I Found out I was expecting you was one of my most emotional days. I was scared but I was excited. I checked 5 times prior to see if you were already there, they all said no but that last one gave me hope. You were 4 weeks when I found out. We were so happy and expecting your arrival. We told the family. Everyone was happy. Your sister couldn’t believe it, your brother insisted you were a girl :) he’d say you were getting so strong when i took my vitamin. I was already craving pizza & fruit lol. I was scared only because being a mother is scary, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love you or want you. You were our first planned baby. Me and your daddy needed you to make us complete. That Wednesday I started spotting I knew something wasn’t right. I had mild cramps, but they said it was normal. I cried because I didn’t want to lose you. By Friday the blood was worse, and I had no doubt of what was happening. I continued to cry. At the hospital i was holding on to a tiny shred of hope. But when i saw that clot, I knew. I knew I would never hear your heartbeat. I knew I would never feel you kick. I knew I would never find out if we were having a boy or a girl. I knew I would never see your face, hear you cry, laugh, or talk. I would never get to hold you or kiss you goodnight. You were 5 weeks 2 days when you left me. I had cried so much when they finally confirmed my nightmare, I just couldn’t cry anymore. We left the hospital and it was like God was mourning with me. The sky was grey and dark. Sprinkles of rain falling on my face. The night was chilly and it all just seemed to fit with how I felt. I couldn’t answer everyone’s question as to why this happened. I wanted to know that as well. But i knew nothing could prevent it, and if i could i would have given my all to keep you here. I love you, I will always remember you. My little Angel rest in peace.
***your brother said “the baby is gone, I was sad, so I walked away and cried”. That melted my heart. Even your brother feels the loss. Your sister tries to comfort me. She also cried last night. (9/14/14) we love you. ***
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